The world according to Paul...

I imagine that when you spend 14 hours a day helping people through their workouts, that you have no choice but to develop coping mechanisms to get through the day.  I have long known that The Enforcer has a different perspective on the world, but tonight I have decided to start a blog post with some of the funny things we talk about that offers me a small glimpse inside the mind of my trainer.

Paul is a well educated man (well, he didn't go to Western - but I guess I can look past that), he has a large group of friends that seems to span the globe, and he is so in love with his fiancée that his entire face lights up when he talks about her (so cute).  When you spend two hours a week with someone every week, you learn a lot about them.  So here are some of the funny things I have learned, starting with the greatest from tonight.

1. The Power of One
   According to 'man rules', a woman that does something like watching football while drinking beer, wearing a football jersey for her favourite team or lifting an impressive amount of weights, bumps her up an entire number on the 'heat' scale....so if she was a 7 before they see her do that, she would be an 8 after.  It does however work the other way as well....so say a girl is a 9 and she opens her mouth and proves to be an airhead, she can also lose a full number (or more).  There doesn't seem to be a hard and fast rule about how the number ratings are applied, but I thought it was awesome so had to share it.  I should say that it also applies to men - for instance, if a man is cooking dinner, he moves up on the heat scale...yes, yes he does ; )
2. Girls with calluses on their hands are hot.
   I have posted this one before, and still staunchly disagree.  I have however discovered that the foot paddle that keeps my feet cute also doubles as a hand buffer to rid my hands of said ugly calluses, making them smooth again.  To add to this, he also feels that those bulgy arm veins are sexy - yes Paul, maybe on a guy, but certainly not on a girl.
3. Shape doesn't matter.  Attitude and confidence matter.  Let's go to the Meat Locker.
   Well, in all fairness I think my friends have told me the first part before so this isn't really new, but he is constantly trying to get me to workout in the 'Meat Locker' downstairs (a free weight area of the gym that I call 'Man Land' as you can always guarantee the huge guys are down there grunting away).  He should maybe re-think his 'let's go find you a husband' approach when I wind up looking like a drowned rat - which happens EVERY workout.  I haven't yet mastered the art of gracefully sweating through one of the Enforcer's sessions.  Maybe someday, but still not there in attitude or confidence so we will stay upstairs for now thanks :)
4. Good clients get hall passes.
   I am accountable to The Enforcer for every workout I do (or don't do - which is way worse), which I believe is part of the reason I have been so successful so far.  But sometimes clients have bad weeks, get bitchy and just plain unpleasant to be around - like when my sucky ass gets sick...however, if you are a good client (which is yet to be defined - but I have said status, so it must centre around general awesomeness) you get a hall pass - which I think is like a get-out-of-jail-free card for being difficult to be around.  Happily I have mine still (I think).
5. Your trainer has a nickname for you...he just won't tell you what it is.
   I have never had a nickname stick...the only one that has really stuck with me is Chrispy, and really that isn't a nickname so much as a short-form of my name.  The Enforcer is happy with his nickname and actually flips between The Enforcer and Captain Buzzkill depending on the severity of the workout - he is a pretty good sport.  But he feels that I should have a nickname as well...we started with C-Pat, but that was vetoed; then there was C-Section which he thought was great because he apparently doesn't know what that actually is (again, he didn't go to Western), and now we are stuck on Fluffy (I am still really working on getting rid of this one, and fluffy applies to my post-workout-crackhead-hair in case you think he was being mean)....I know he has funny nicknames for some of his other clients - so I am pretty sure he has one for me and just doesn't want to tell me what it is...will work on getting it out of him - I am crafty that way.

I wish I had started this long ago because I am sure there would be a full top 10 list.  I will add more as I remember them - or as new tidbits come along.  I would also be open to your suggestions for a nickname - but again, remember that I have veto power!